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The Pathway to Adoption

"Our Story"

This is the story of Toby and Michelle's journey through the saga of trying to have a child. Below are links to help you understand the process of adopting a child.

As most of you know, Toby and I began our effort to build a family very quickly. Before we got married, we knew that my health would dictate a baby sooner rather than later. Neither one of us ever considered we would experience fertility problems, especially after I got pregnant with Alexandra while on Depro prevera! When we hadn't gotten pregnant after a couple of months, my doctor agreed to begin testing for fertility complications. Afterall, I didn't have the best health record! Initially the results suggested that with the help of a fertility drug called Chlomid, and the use of artificial insemination, we should have no problems getting pregnant. After 3 months, the doctor became a bit concerned that I had not conceived, so he ordered a new test.

The night before the histiosalpinogram, Toby and I attended an Adoption Orientation meeting- It was July 15, 2002. I had begun to doubt that we would ever have a child, and had decided that maybe it was just not meant to be. But because Toby had taken the initiative to call me to go to the meeting, I decided to do it. Almost the minute that the social worker began speaking, it hit me that this was what I should do. The orientation was laid out with all the steps we needed to take. A true time line, a pricing list, and what we could expect. Kim, the social worker, took some time to talk to me after the class. We talked about my illness, which she assured me would not be a problem, and said some things that I really needed to hear. She told me that You are a parent a whole lot longer than you are pregnant. For so many months the goal seemed to have become about getting pregnant, not about having a baby. That night, Toby and I decided that we would discontinue fertility, and sign up for the adoption program.

24 hours and a histiosalpinogram later, I was admitted to the hospital. My stomach had been hurting for a while, but that day it was very intense. It turned out I had 2 ulcers, GERD, and a very bad infection in the lining of my abdomen wall. With the hospitalization, my health was no longer considered stable. Stable health had been the condition of continuing the process of fertility. The night before we had decided on our own not to continue, but now it looked like the doctors would refuse further fertility treatments. One week after my admittance in the hospital, the histiosalpinogram revealed the real reason I had not become pregnant. I had a tumor growing in my uterus. Now there was no doubt, fertility was no longer an option. Though I had a momentary sadness for what could not be, I knew that Toby and I had chosen a better option for us.

On July 26, We faxed off our application to the Kinship Center Adoption Agency. And on August 12, 2002, we got the call that our application had been approved, and we were officially in the New Baby adoption Program. In 12- 18 months, we would be getting our own little baby.

Well, most of you know by now that that is not exactly what happened...

Through a series of random events, and truly listening to our hearts, Toby and I realized that our hearts were open to adopting an older child, possibly even as old as 5, and we were open to siblings. Of Course this is when we thought siblings meant 2...

On October 1, 2003 we were matched with a sibling set of 4 (ages: 11, 5, 3, and 1). We spent many months anticipating the arrival of our new children. However, Fate had other plans. They were returned to their birth parents in February of 2004. We were devestated. We decided to jump right back in, but only to focus on sibling sets of 2.

In March of 2003, We flew to Connecticut to celebrate my Grandmother's 75th Birthday. On March 22, while sitting in a hotel room, trying to stay awake so that I could go pick my brother up from the train station at midnight, I randomly decided to call home and check my messages. There was one message and it was from Kian. She had a sibling set of 3 children (ages 4, 3, and 2) that she really had a good feeling about. It was almost 9pm in California, so we would have to wait until morning to call her back. I could barely sleep.

The next morning, we left a message for Kian. She called back just as we were getting ready to board the plane home. She gave us all the important information and we talked all the way home- 5 hours. And when we got home, we called her and told her to submit our profile. After all 3 is only one more than 2...

On March 24th, our homestudy was submitted, it was approved on March 30th, and we had our first meeting about the kids on April 1. And the bomb was dropped- the birth parents were expecting another baby. The future of the baby had not been determined yet, and it was likely that he or she would end up staying with the birthmother, who was just completing her stay in rehab.

On April 7, we had our formal presentation, and signed that we would legally adopt the children when the judge terminated parental rights.

It didn't go as smoothly as I would have thought. The newly sober birthmother filed a motion to reestablish reunification, the birthfather claimed to be native American, and there was a very long weekend when we thought they would be going home. But in the end, our prayers wer answered.

Parental Rights were terminated on June 14, 2004. We met the children for the first time on June 17, 2004 and they moved in on July 15, 2004- exactly 2 years to the date that we first went to Kinship Center. On that day, we also discovered that the children's baby sister was born on July 12- 3 days earlier, and had been detained by Social Services. They asked if we would take her as well, and of course, we said yes. It was 4 1/2 months before she actually came to live with us, and we have enjoyed every minute of it!

Our adoption was finalized on June 21, 2005

As you can see, Our story turned out very differently than the one I began writing in 2002. But today, as I sit here writing this, and look at my children (now 6, 5, 3, and 1) playing the yard, My heart is so full and I can not imagine my life any other way.