Adoption Diary

                                            
                Our Adoption Diary

June 21, 2005 8:30am- Today at about 9:30am, Judge Swanson signed the order for us to be a legal family.
It was truly a magical day.
Nonni, Papi, Uncle Jim, Aunt Bernadette, Nancy Currie, Nancy Duncan, Kian Clineff, and Grammy Bush
joined us in front of the Judge for the adoption finalization.
We arrived to the courthouse at about 8:15am, and immediately the guard asked us if we were the Todd
adoption party. I guess with 4 kids, we really stood out. We were the first adoption of the morning, so it went
pretty quick. It was particularly special because judge Swanson himself is adopted, as is his wife and daughter.
He actually adopted his daughter at age 34!! He had raised her since she was a toddler though.
He spent a little time talking to the kids, and jokingly said he was going to put the adoption on hold when he
found out we had not yet taken them to Disneyland.
Next, Toby and I raised our right hands and were sworn in.
Then he asked Toby and I if it was our wish and intent to adopt, "Margaret, Shawn, Sarah-Elizabeth, and William".
Obviously we answered yes.
Then he asked if we understood that by adopting these children, we are legally obligated to provide for these
children in all manners as if they were our natural children and that these children would have the same rights
as a natural child, including the right of inheritance.
Again, we answered yes.
Then he asked if we were married to each other.
We answered yes.
Finally he asked if we consented to our spouse adopting these children as well.
Again, we answered yes.
Then we got to sign paperwork for all 4 kids.
Then came the best part.
The Judge said that as we had appeared before him in court today to petition the court for this adoption,
and had been sworn in, and promised to treat these children as our own birth children,
provide support and care for these children, and bestow upon these children all rights of a natural child,
And after reading the reports by the social workers involved in this case,
He finds, pusuant to Family Code 8612 (b)
that the needs of these children will best be met by a granting of this petition,
and hereby orders this adoption- making us family under the law, with all the rights and duties
of the parent-child relationship.
And then I cried.
Afterward, we all got to sit behind the Judge's bench for a family picture with the Judge, and he gave the kids presents.
Shawn got a soccer ball, Austin got some cars, and Cindy and Kate both got stuffed bunnies.
Then Shawn asked the Judge to tell us to buy him a dog.
Smart kid, that one.

After hugs, and tears of joy, and high-5's, we said Goodbye to the Judge, and Kian, and the Nancys, and Grammy,
and headed off to Coco's for celebratory lunch.

There is a sad part of this moment though. Kian and the Nancys have become such an intergral part of our life
and there is a sadness that comes from reaching the end of this journey.

I LITERALLY felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she finally gets to go home. We had all gone on this
amazing journey together over the past 3 years, and now it was over, and time for us to go home, on our own,
without our tin-man, lion, and scarecrow (or, in our case, our social workers).
We are ready to "go home", but we will greatly miss these incredible friends we have come to love along the way.
Afterall, it Nancy C who answered all of our parenting questions and provided words of wisdom as we
struggled to learn how to be parents- to children old enough to see our inadequecies.
It was Nancy D who protected our children through a system that is so flawed and ruthless.
And it was Kian who was our scarecrow. The one who first saw more in us than we saw in ourselves, who
believed in our ability to be a good match for these 4 amazing children. It was Kian who found our children,
and brought us to them. It was Kian who helped us navigate the emotional path towards adoption,
and guided us along during the 5 week vistation phase. And it was Kian, who drove an hour to watch us
declared a family today.
I know that we will continue to see these friends of ours, but it was overwhelming to think of our first
day at Kinship and all we have been through, and how far we have come.
And we know, undoubtedly, we could have never done it alone.

And now, the time has come for step 25.

"Live a long and happy life with your new family."

That's our plan, and we hope you will do the same.

May 25, 2005- The kids are officially out of the foster care system. We signed adoptive placement papers at 4:30pm today and it was truly a celebration! Kinship Center had a cake for us as well as teddy bears for the kids. The county had a whole bag of presents for them- including puppets, puzzles, and even toothbrushes! For me the highlight of the day was watching the kids put their handprints on the wall. On my first visit to Kinship Center, I remember looking at "the wall". When children are moved to adoptive placement, they put their handprint on the wall and sign their name. The first time I saw that wall, I wondered if this was really going to work for me. If someday, I too would have a child to put their handprint on the wall. Today, I had 4 children putting up their handprint on the wall. I could never have guessed that!! We were also given all the pictures and reports that the county has collected over the past 2 years. And finally, the last thing we had to sign was a paper that told the county whether or not to call us if the birthparents had another child. It also told the county whether or not they could contact us with a request from the birthparents. We opted to be contacted in both circumstances because, in the end, it is about doing what is right for the kids. It was truly a magical day, and I am overwhelmed with happiness. Next stop: Riverside County Courthouse!

May 17, 2005- Scratch that. We had to reschedule the signing date. It is now May 25, 2005 at 4:30pm. Now the only glitch is that the social worker has not received the document from the state accepting the termination. It really isn't a big deal because we can sign with out it, but we need to have it before we go to court. I told the social worker that if I have to, I will drive to Sacramento to get it. In other Kate related news: She is crawling!!! I mean a real crawl, not that army crawl she has been doing for the past 2 months. Go Kate!

May 10, 2005- Kate's appellate process has expired! This means that the birth parents have not filed to appeal the decision to terminate parental rights. We are now free to sign adoptive placement papers. We have scheduled a signing date of May 23, 2005 at 4 pm.

May 8, 2005- Happy Mother's Day!-My first "Official" mother's day was perfect in every way. And I will have a new, beautiful, mother's ring to remember the day. We started out the day with a brunch at Newport Landing in Newport Beach. It was wonderful. We were in a semi private room with just one other table. The food and atmosphere were great and we had a fabulous view of the harbor. After brunch, we headed off to the Fun Zone. We took the kids on the ferris wheel, the carousel, and played a round of miniature golf. It was Kate's first carousel ride, and although she started of timid, she really liked it. The kids had cotton candy and sno-cones before heading home. As perfect as the day was already, it was made better by one special announcement...

Jim and Bernadette are having a BABY!

May 4, 2005- Oh my God. I had to take all 4 kids- and me- to the dentist today. This was a much harder task then it may seem. Cindy and Shawn did GREAT. Austin screamed the entire time, and Kate bit the dentist. And she has 7 teeth, so it hurts. He just laughed, but I was mortified. In moments like this, I can see what people were warning me about. But nonetheless, I wouldn't change a thing.

March 24, 2005- We finally heard the good news! On March 9, 2005 at 8:30am, Parental rights were terminated for Kate. She is now legally freed for adoption.

March 9, 2005- The .26 hearing (to terminate parental rights on Kate) was scheduled for today at 8am. Hopefully, the case will be heard and all will go well.

January 14, 2005- Kate got her first tooth today. We hope she doesn't get anymore. She screamed the ENTIRE day yesterday. It wasn't funny. Less painful, but no less joyous: Cindy learned to tie her shoes.

December 25, 2004- Our first Christmas with the kids did not go exactly as planned. Christmas eve was wonderful and the kids could hardly wait to go to sleep. Christmas morning, however, was a different story. Toby and I had to literally wake the kids up to come downstairs. They didn't seem at all excited. Shawn and Austin came down quickly, but Cindy seemed down right afraid to come downstairs. A lot of drama insued, and in the end I came to realize, yet again, that my children have a past that does not include me. Not all of their Christmases were as joyful and storylike as the one Toby and I had planned for them. For Cindy, the fear of disappointment from a family she wanted to believe in and wanted to trust was to big. It took a lot of talking before she came downstairs. But, eventually the magic of Christmas intervened, and the day took a turn for the better. The children loved all their presents, but mostly they just enjoyed being a part of a family.

December 18, 2004- We took the kids to see Santa Claus. Cindy and Shawn were very excited, but Austin didn't want any part of it- until Santa started singing to him. They all sat on Santa's lap for a photo and asked for the one gift they really wanted. Cindy asked for a real oven- Santa said he needed to talk to us about that. Shawn asked for a flashlight, which Santa seemed pretty convinced he would get, and Austin asked for McDonalds. Kate just cried. All in All, it was a fun time.

December 3, 2004- After driving for 2 hours down mostly a one lane road through Hemet, I came to face to face with the most beautiful baby you can imagine. Her facial features are identical to Cindy's, but her coloring is the same as Austin's. She is so incredibly sweet. I sort of feel awkwarda round her, but I am hoping that time will lead to a higher comfort level. We are naming her Sarah-Elizabeth Kathleen. I wanted to call her Ellie, but Toby wants to call her Kate.

December 2, 2004- As always, the adoption calendar deos not follow the traditional calendar. Yesterday, we were told that we would be getting the baby on Saturday. Now, they are saying we need to pick her up tomorrow at 2 pm. TOMORROW AT 2PM!! AAGGHH

November 29,2004- Dana called to tell us that the paper work was nearly finished and she gave the county a 7 day notification, which basically means we will be bringing home our baby girl any day now! I am so happy, but also so nervous. It is just now hitting me that I have absolutely no idea how to raise a baby! Not to mention, I need to buy a whole lot of stuff! We also finally told the kids. They are so excited, and can not wait to meet their sister. Cindy was so cute, she is very worried that Santa won't know the baby is here. We told her not to worry.

November 24, 2004- The judge denied reunification services and set the date, March 22, to terminate parental rights. The judge also ordered a transfer of the baby. Basically, this means she should be with us by Christmas. Dana Young, the baby's social worker, told us that she is sleeping through the night, she is happy and content, and she has red hair. I can not wait to meet her.

November 16, 2004- The trial took place.

November 1, 2004- November is National Adoption Month. November 20th is National Adoption Day. Take a moment on the 20th to remember all the families who have been built by adoption, all the parents in waiting who are still longing to find the child fate has for them, and all the birth parents who bravely, graciously, and lovingly sought out the best life they could for their child.

October 25, 2004- The hearing was heard and the case was sent to trial. At the trial, the birthmother will have the right to offer testimony as to why she should be given reunification services. The county will also have the right to offer testimony as to why she should not be given reunification services. It is funny because, we know that either way, the result will be the same. Even if, by some miracle, she is awarded reunification services, she will not be able to complete a case plan. She has already proved that over and over again. So, all we can do is wait.

October 18, 2004-Today, Toby received the phone call we had always thought would come 2 years from now. The baby has been taken back into custody, and Riverside county would like to know if we will take her. She goes to court on Monday October 25 to terminate reunification services. Should the judge terminate reunification services, and we agree to take the baby, she would be placed with us pretty quickly. There would be no visitation period as she is only 3 months old. There is a birth relative who has petitioned to take the baby, but in this case the law favors us because we have the 3 siblings. We know enough about the system to know that anything can happen, so until we hear differently, we are just going about our lives. We have opted not to say anything to the children until we have more definite answers. We will keep you posted. (And you all thought the Adoption saga was over.. lol...)

October 10, 2004- Michelle Returns to Work!

October 7, 2004- Happy 5th Birthday Margaret Cynthia Rose! We LOVE You!

October 2, 2004- Happy Birthday Uncle Jim! Today, Uncle Jim shared his birthday with Cindy as we celebrated her birthday a little bit early with a big Cinderella themed party. She had great fun playing in her castle jumphouse and breaking open the 4 foot tall Cinderella Pinata!

August 29, 2004- We had a HUGE luau to welcome the children into our lives. We were amazed at the turnout! Ahnya Judy came from Chicago, Aunt Kathleen and Dave came from Connecticut,Uncle Carl and Uncle Aaron came from Colorado, and I think Everyone we have EVER met was there. It was quite a party! We had a jumphouse, a limbo stick, potato sack races, karaoke, a popcorn machine, a sno-cone machine, and even a real roasted pig. It was so incredible. The kids had so much fun meeting everyone and playing in the jumphouse- especially when Uncle Jim, Uncle Carl, and Uncle Aaron joined in! So now, the Todd Trio have officially been welcomed into the family!

August 9, 2004- The judge decided to give the birth parents another chance. Given the fact that the birth father is currently using drugs, and the birth mother has STILL not completed her caseplan, this was a strange decision, but since there is nothing we can about it, we will live our lives with our 3 children, and pray that everything works out for this little girl.

July 15, 2004- The Children are home! We picked the children up at 2pm, and they did really well. In fact, they surprised the adoptions supervisor by getting in their car seats while we were still talking. He looked at me and said, "well, I guess they are ready to go." They cried a little bit the first night, but they are doing really really well. After we got to my house with the kids, we had a LOT of paper work to fill out and sign, but the most surprising news came when the social workers told us that the kids' birthmother had given birth, and the baby had been detained by social services. Because she gave birth in the same county that has an open case on her- in which her parental rights have been terminated- the baby was detained as a matter of routine. And naturally, the county thinks it would be great if Toby and I just take the baby home from the hospital and adopt her. That way, all the siblings will be together, and we would be the baby's only placement. At this point, Toby and I really have no idea what we think about that. We think adapting to 3 children is pretty difficult, and are not sure what a brand new infant would add to the mix. As my dad said, apparently in the adoption world, it's feast or famine.

July 6, 2004- Kian called today to let me know that Nancy Currie would be calling me later in the day to set up a date and time for placement. While this was very exciting news, it was somewhat bittersweet because this is the point that Kian bows out. Because Kian is a social worker with the infant program, she must now turn over our case to Nancy, who is with the fostadopt program. It is sad because it has been Kian who has taken this journey with us every step of the way. It was Kian who interviewed us, did our homestudy, and answered our panicked phonecalls. It was Kian who brought us our children. The timing is good, however, because Kian happens to be 8 1/2 months pregnant with a little baby girl and will be taking 3 months off anyway. We love you Kian!! Well, Nancy called, and placement will take place on July 15 at 2pm. We are so excited!! In other news, today was my last day of work for FMLA! I get to stay off until mid October.

July 1, 2004- The kids spent their first night with us on July 1. I picked them up at noon, and we went to get some lunch. After lunch they played a bit at McDonald's before we headed home. Once we got home, they were each supposed to take a nap. None of them did. They stayed in their rooms for almost an hour, and they played quietly, but they couldn't fall asleep. I think they were to wound up from the excitement. After "naptime" Toby and I took them to the the park closest to our house. They played there for about 15 minutes and were bored because there were no swings. So we walked over to the other corner to play on the swings. Shawn particularly liked this park because it had basketball courts. There was also a "toy" that you could sit on and spin around very fast. That turned out to be everyone's favorite. The kids obviously do not share my sensitivity to being spun around. Afterwards, we went home. Oddly, Toby and I were tired, but the kids were not. We ate dinner- Cindy had requested Macaroni and Cheese Spirals. After dinner the kids took baths with a fizz ball, which they loved! Toby dried them off and put their PJs on them and then we watched Disney's Tarzan. Afterwards, it was time for bed. Austin was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Cindy cried a moment before she fell asleep because she missed her "grandma" (foster mom). Shawn was a little more upset. I read him a story and sat with him as he fell asleep, but then, they all slept through the night. The next morning, we had breakfast and headed out. I brought the kids back home, and Shawn began to cry that he wanted to stay at my house, and was going to miss me. I told him I would miss him too, but I would see him on Saturday. All in all, it was a huge success!

June 27, 2004- The kids continue to amaze us everyday. Each step of this transition period has the potential to be traumatic for the children, therefore, we carefully plan each detail as to minimize that trauma. And each time, the kids waltz through it as carefree and happy as little clams. Last night was one such time. It was the kids' first visit to our house, the house they know they will be moving in to very soon. We thought they might be a little hesitant, but we were wrong. They were barely half way through the door before they began... "Mommy, Mommy, Can we see our rooms?" So, off they ran up the stairs to what will become their rooms. The boys, whose bunk beds had arrived weeks ago, were excitedly showing off their beds when we heard our daughter excitedly exclaim, " Look, I am going to sleep on a couch!" She seemed genuinely happy about this, until I showed her a picture of the beautiful bed we had ordered from the pottery barn. Then, her face lit up and she said, "It looks like a bed for a princess!" And we told her it was. This morning her foster mother told us that as she was going to sleep, she was still talking about her bed. Her life has taught her to find the positive in every situation. Sleeping on a couch would be an adventure. It is an incredible strength to have, but my heart broke that she has had to learn it by age 4. We had a wonderful dinner, and learned a lot about the kids' dinner routines. They are very traditional in their routine, and I loved it. They say grace before they eat, and they ask, unprompted, to be excused when they are finished. They carry their plates to the sink, and wash their hands. At the end of the night, we took some pictures to remember this day, and said goodnight. Because everything went so well, we are going to have the kids spend the night on Thursday, July 1. The next step after that will be a weekend visit on July 16th and then, finally, we will sign placement papers on July 22. The kids will then move in that weekend.

June 26, 2004- Today was our last fost adopt class. It was fun and very educational. There was a panel of both adoptive parents, and adoptees there. I am glad to be finished with the mandatory classes though.

June 25, 2004- We called to kids to say goodnight. It was so cute. They were so excited to talk to us on the phone. The cutest thing was when, after telling me about her pre-school prom and how she danced and spilled chocolate pudding on her dress, she asked, "Can I talk to Daddy now?" Shawn told us that he went to the park, and Austin said Cindy got a balloon. I just love them.

June 24, 2004- We bought a new car! We bought a Toyota Sienna Symphony. It is the highest end minivan Toyota makes. It is fully loaded except for the DVD player. Other than the fact that it is a minivan, it is perfect! Oh, the sacrifices we make... I actually love it though. Then tonight, we picked up the kids for the first time to take them away without the foster mom. We told them that we bought the car just for them. On the way to McDonald's Shawn said, "Mommy, I love riding in your magic car." He thinks it is magic because I can open the door remotely! The kids had fun at McDonald's and had fun playing with Daddy. We also took a moment to call my mom and Toby's mom. Needless to say, they were thrilled. Also- CONGRATULATIONS Cindy!! Cindy graduated from Pre- School today.

June 23, 2004- Toby had to go to work, so it was just me who went to see the kids today. As soon as I got there, Shawn asked, "Where's your daddy?" He, of course, meant HIS daddy. I was surprised to see that they had dropped the "Michelle and Toby" and we were now just "Mommy and Daddy". Naturally, we had a GREAT time. The kids kept doing flips off my lap.

June 21, 2004- We met the kids at Ontario Mills today. We had such a good time with them. Connie is great and guess what? The kids are calling us "Mommy Michelle" and "Daddy Toby". Cindy is really friendly and talkative. She was asking me all about my braces. It was so cute. She asked how I got them to stick to my teeth! Shawn seems to be the most sensetive, and the most intellectual. Sometimes, he doesn't seem three. Austin is 2. He is absolutely adorable one second, and hitting Shawn the next. The highlight of my day was the look on Toby's face when Shawn told him he had to go potty. Priceless. But, Daddy's first trip to the bathroom was successful! We can't wait to see them on Wednesday.

June 17, 2004- We are in love! This morning at 10am, we met our children. We woke up at about 8am, showered and got ready. We left the house at 9am to make the 20 minute drive to the foster home. I did not want to chance anything and be late. We stopped at the circle K- 2 minutes from the house to grab something to eat, and then went over to the house. We met Richard, the adoptions worker, when we arrived. He informed us that our photo album had not arrived, and so therefore, the kids had no idea who we were or that they would be moving. As far as they knew, we were just friends coming over to visit. It turns out that that is actually nicer. The kids had no anxiety about meeting us, and were therefore very friendly and animated. Walking in this type of situation is stressful. Just imagine the first time you looked at your baby. Now imagine you had literally a 4 person panel sitting and watching you, and judging how well you interacted with your new baby, and whether or not this looked like it was a good match. The first thought is daunting. But we quickly realized that this panel wanted us to succeed. The foster mother helped to brake the ice by suggesting that the kids show us a photo album of their last year. The kids crawled up on our lap, and told us all about the last year of their lives. They were sweet and affectionate, and smart, and funny. We learned a little bit about each of their personalities, and watched them interact with each other. They are very happy and well adjusted children. We gave them each a stuffed animal that we made ourselves at build-a-bear. The oldest asked her foster mother if she could take it to school to show her teacher. I was sad to leave, but I can't wait to see them again on Monday! After our meeting, we drove to my parents house to show off pictures of our children, and buy 3 car seats. Babies R Us to pity on us, and offered us the "triplet" discount. Apparently, if you have twins or triplets, they give you 10% off on big ticket items like car seats, strollers, cribs, highchairs etc. This is really good to know! I will write more on Monday.

June 14, 2004- WE ARE PARENTS!!! We don't know what happend, but the judge terminated parental rights. The understanding is that he was prepared to have terminated rights on June 1 when this Native American thing came up. But someone somewhere investigated and either the paternal grandmother is not native American or the tribe signed off on the adoption. Either way, everything is done now, and we are parents! Our first meeting with the kids is Thursday June 17, We can not wait!!! I hope they like us...

June 12, 1004- I went to the fost adopt support group, and basically turned it into a venom filled hate fest against the county. The thing that gets me the most is that the social workers are content to just smile and agree that the system sucks, but they don't seem to have the passion to change it. I swear when I get kids someday and it is finalized, I am going to be on the first plane to Washington DC.

June 10, 2004- I finally got fed up with waiting. I called Kian and told her I wanted to hear something today. It has been 10 days since the hearing. But nothing could have prepared me for the answer I got. It looks like the kids are going to go home. No, the birthmother did not get a new job or a suitable place to live. The father is claiming that his mother is 100% Native American. So, despite the fact that he just failed a drug test, and has no relationship with his children, none of that is as important as the fact that he is an Indian. What kind of system is this?

June 1, 2004- We are assuming the court case was continued today, but we probably won't hear anything for a couple of days.

May 28, 2004- We finally heard what happened on May 17. The birthfather came forward, but failed a drug test. It was determined that the birthmother did not have a suitable place for the children to live, nor did she have a job. The case ran long, so at 5pm, the judge continued it until June 1. County Council advised Richard, the kids' adoptive caseworker, to tell us to be ready, because unless she shows up on June 1 with a new apartment, a new job, and enrolled in parenting classes, it doesn't look good for her.

May 17, 2004- The 30 days is up, and the hearing is supposed to happen today, we will wait to hear what happens.

May 10, 2004- In a somewhat- o.k., VERY, bizarre twist, the 4 kids are being sent home again! I have absolutely nothing to say about that expect, God be with these children because the county obviously isn't. So, now we are just waiting to see what happend with the 3 kids. I hope Riverside will be more trustworthy for these children.

April 26, 2004- Toby and I are now officially certified as FostAdopt Parents.

April 22, 2004- We told Kian to go ahead and get the up to date information on where the 4 kids are in the system.Sadly, we just don't trust San Bernadino County anymore.

April 19, 2004- As expected the judge gave the county 30 days to respond to the .388 motion. He will hear the county's assessment on May 17. I have no idea what will happen. The truth is, in the long haul, the birthmother's probability for becoming a successful parent are not good. But, I do believe that she should be given every opportunity to try. The reality is, once her parental rights are terminated, she could become a saint but she can't get her children back. So, the court does have a responsibility to make sure, before they terminate rights, that it is so unlikely that she will be able to become a successful parent in the foreseeable future, that the children would be better served to be placed in a more stable, and safe enviroment. In this case, Richard thinks there is a possibility that the judge will order reunification services. So, he told Kian to look at other situations for us as well... To that end... Remember the 4 kids? Well they did go home. And less than 24 hours after going home, their father was arrested, and the kids were brought back to foster care. Apparently, this happened back in March, but we had already agreed to take the 3 kids, so Kian didn't say anything. But now that the 3 kids seem to be hitting a glitch, she brought it up. This time, the county has been calling Kian weekly and they are saying their is no legal risk as the kids are being fast tracked for adoption.

April 15, 2004- The case was continued until April 19th.

April 7, 2004- I don't really have that much to report. We had our meeting with Kian, the Adoptions Case Worker (Richard), and the children's Social Worker (Blanca). We got a full medical history on the kids, the mother, the father, and some extended family. Everything looks good from that end. The only gliche in the system is the mother. She completes rehab on the 12th and her attorney is expected to file a 388 motion on her behalf. This motion asks the judge to reestablish reunification services because she has had a change of circumstance- in this case she went to rehab. On April 15th, the judge can either dismiss the motion, or give the county 30 days to respond. The most likely scenario is that the judge will give the county 30 days to respond. The county will then present evidence that there is still a poor probability that the mother with be able to properly care for the children, and the county will recommend that the adoption proceed. At that time, the judge will either agree to the adoption, or reestablish reunification services. The county seems pretty optimistic that the judge will agree to the adoption. Toby and I are not so sure. We agreed to wait the 30 days, but no more than that. One thing I am certain of- Adoption is a very complicated thing.

April 1, 2004- Today started out as an incredible day. Toby and I went to Kinship to see pictures of the kids. They are so adorable. The girl, who was born in October of 1999 -just like Alexandra, had long, straight, dark blond hair, and she was small and slim. The 3 year old boy, born in January of 2001, was medium build with blond hair. The youngest boy, who it turns out just celebrated his second birthday in the last week of March, had a slim build, and somewhat wavy, light blond hair. Actually, he looks A LOT like Toby did as a child. So, while we were sitting there oohing and aahing over our future children, their social worker ( who I really like) called. I blame myself really, because for whatever reason, God gets GREAT pleasure from twisting and turning my life path. Naturally, this could not possibly go as smoothly as would first seem. It turns out that the county caseworker has allowed the biological mother to visit a couple of times. During the visits she had "inappropriate behavior". She is also currently living in a rehab center, where she has been for 2 months. And the creme de la creme... She is 5 1/2 months pregnant with baby number 4. Naturally, my first instinct was to panic. But both the kids social worker, and Kian acknowledged that while the judge has the final say, and in reality is not bound by any laws or restrictions as to what he decides, the children's social worker, and the children's adoption case worker are writing up their report to strongly recommend continuing with the adoption. To that end, Toby and I are going April 7- our anniversary- to sign the formal presentation. This is a HUGE factor that was not present with the other situation. This will be presented at the April 15th hearing, so the judge will have someone to transfer guardianship to. Lastly, there is of course the fact that the mother has never done any of her case plan until 4 weeks ago, and at this time, her only plan is that if she gets her kids back, she will get a job at Carl's Jr. Regarding the other baby, she is planning on parenting that child. And though she will be monitored by the system, there are no plans to remove that child from her care at this time. The Good news here is that the county is on our side, we will have a signed formal presentation, the mother has nothing to offer the courts, and we will have a definite decision in 13 days, which is a lot better than the 5 months it took last time! All in all , we feel pretty good about this situation.

March 30, 2004- 1:07 pm- Kian just called. The 2 Riverside adoption caseworkers agreed that Toby and I are a perfect match. Poor Kian- when she told me, I just couldn't stop crying. From the beginning, Toby kept saying he had a feeling about this one, and I guess he was right. I like to think maybe my Uncle Eric had something to do with it. It didn't go unnoticed that the day Kian called was 2 years to the day of his passing. I am meeting with Kian on Thursday morning to get some more information, see pictures of the kids, and set up the formal presentation. The court is shooting for an April 15th move in date. At the moment, I am completely overwhelmed. I am having moments of outward bursts of laughter and happy tears, and total chaos as it becomes clearer all that I need to do to prepare our home for the arrival of our children. Our children. I have been saying it all day, and it still seems so incredible. In 3 weeks, we will have our 3 children in our house and sharing our lives. God is good. :)

March 22, 2004- They always say if you want to speed up the adoption process, go on vacation. So we did. While visiting my grandmother for her 75th birthday, we got a call from Kian that there are 3 children in need of a home. There is no parental involvement, and the children are 1, 3, and 4. They are in perfect health, and have no behavioral issues. After the craziness of the last situation, Toby and I were a bit hesitant, but in the end we agreed to submit our homestudy. The children's adoptive caseworker will review the homestudies this week, and will let us know early next week whether or not we will be a match.

March 6, 2004- Toby and I began our FostAdopt classes. It was a really interesting to learn the process that children go through in the system. One of the most interesting things we did was an exercise in which we were each given an index card with an animal on it. I was a pig. Toby was a cow. We then had to go around the room making the sound of our animal. When we found a same animal, we stayed together. But we didn't know how many of each animal there were. In the end, the purpose of the game was to feel what it felt like to be lost, out of place, and searching for a home. And for the one person who chose kitten, what it felt like to be alone, and never find a family. The classes are not just about how to parent, but how to parent a child from the system.

March 3, 2004- I completely lost it at tonight's support meeting. I could not stop crying. It just hit me as to how unfair this situation had been. This system absolutely let the kids down. In addition to that, as selfish as it may seem, I felt bad for me. For months, Toby and I had planned for these children, and sacrificed for their arrival. We pictured them running around our house, helping them with their school work, and arguing in the back seat of the SUV. Like most losses, we were not just grieving the loss of what was, but what could have been. Afterwards, Kian told us that she had been waiting for me to experience that loss. In the end, I really felt supported by the group. It was the first time I have ever really felt the purpose of a support group. In a fun note... Kian is going to have a baby. It is due to be born in August, so everyone wants to have a big baby shower for her!

February 2, 2004- Well, the unexpected has happened. The children's parents have gotten their acts together enough to convince the childrens' social worker, and the judge, to move towards reunification. This means that concurrent placement will be terminated and all efforts will be focused on reunifying the kids with their parents. In simple terms: The kids will be placed back with their parents and Toby and I will go back to the beginning in our journey towards parenthood. As disappointed as we are, our prayers today are with the children. We will go back to the beginning, and we are confident that we will eventually have our family. I hope the same is true for these kids who deserve more than the life they have gotten this far.

January 7, 2004- Toby and I had our Wednesday Night Group tonight, and got to talk to the scial worker a bit. We learned that the childrens' 17 year old sister, whom nobody had been able to locate, has been in rehab and now living in a half way house. Unlike the parents, she is doing very well, and meeting the criteria set forth by the court to be reunified with her 2 year old son. Her son is currently in the same foster home as the baby of our set. We are hoping for the best for her. Unfortunately, because our adoption will be a confidential adoption, it is ulikely that the kids will be able to maintain the visitation they have been having with their nephew, once they are placed with us. The county does not want there to be a link between the children and their biological parents. The parents, as of tonight, have not made any progress in meeting their criteria. I can not begin to imagine what the children are feeling about this. On one hand, it is good because it is a step closer to being placed in a stable permanent enviroment, but on the other hand, it must hurt to think that even when faced with losing their children forever, the parents are not motivated enough to get their act together. I realize that the parents are suffering from a disease. And I realize that to say that they are not motivated is the same as saying that I am simply not motivated enough keep my immune system in check. I just don't think that reality helps ease the feeling the children have. It will be an incredible task to build these childrens self image, and to make them feel loved and secure, despite how their story began. Toby and I are so grateful for the support and faith from all of you!

December 10, 2003- At 10:30 this morning, the county officially approved Toby and I as adoptive parents to the 4 kids. But there is a small glich. Apparently, back in September, the court terminated the rights of the kids' birthparents. The birthparents then filed an appeal. Well, as luck would have it, the appeal went before the court yesterday (Dec. 9). When the judge asked the children's social worker if they had an adoptive family, she said, "No". No one knows why she said that. Giving her the benefit of the doubt it is because the approval meeting hadn't happened yet. Because of the Safe Families Act, signed by Bill Clinton, children can not be left idle in foster care. They have to either be placed in a concurrent home (adoptive) or placed on a reunification track (working to get back with their birthparents). Since the judge was told their was no adoptive home, he had no choice but to grant the appeal and give the parents 90 days to meet the criteria set by the court. If they meet it, they could be reunified with their children. Our social worker, and the judge, think it is very unlikely since they have had the same criteria for 21 months, and have not met any part of it. Once the 90 days is over, or they fail a drug test, or return to jail, Toby and I will begin the visitation process. So, basically we are looking at 120 days before the children can move in with us. We will update you with new information as we learn it. Keep your fingers crossed, not only for us, but for these kids. We have been told that the oldest one is very upset at this development and does not want to return to his birthparents. So, we are just hoping everything works out for the best.

December 3, 2003- Go Figure, the county called today. They have rescheduled the meeting to December 10 at 10:30am. I will believe it when I see it. We told Kian to go ahead with the meeting, but to also follow up on the other scenarios in the meantime, in case the meeting does not actually happen. Part of me wants to stick it to the county, but most of me wants to fight for these kids. It doesn't look like anyone has ever put their needs first.

December 2, 2003- Still no phone call. Toby and I have decided to pursue other situations. Obviously, the county is not going to follow through with this. This was a very hard decision. My heart goes out to these children who deserve so much better than this. Their social worker should be fired. If they have concerns about us, that is fine, but they should be communicating those concerns, not just dropping the ball.

December 1, 2003- Not only was there no meeting today (surprise) we have not even received a phone call from the county.

November 23, 2003- The Children's inept social worker cancelled the approval meeting. They promised to reschedule for December 1. We will see. She is incredibly unreliable. I feel bad for the children because they are the ones who are going to wind up in the cross fire. They have already been through a lot and it seems unfair that they should now have to deal with an incompetent social worker as well.

November 19, 2003- The Kinship fostadopt supervisor called the county adoption supervisor to find out what is taking so long. The county supervisor was apparently horrified that we have been waiting 7 weeks with NO communication from them. She scheduled an approval meeting for November 23 at 10:30am.

November 5, 2003- We still have not heard from the county. We are trying to be patient, but it is hard, because we want to get everything moving so that we can at least visit with the kids over Christmas. Also, 2 of the kids have birthdays coming up in November, so we would like to see them for that. I do not know what is taking so long. Toby and I started attending a fostadopt workshop to get some better insight on adopting kids that are from the system. I really like the group and it is very educational.

October 29, 2003- Since I have last updated this, the children have been assigned an adoptions case worker. This is a very important step in the procedure. It is the adoptions case worker who will make the formal presentation. Luckily, she really likes Toby and I. Unfortunately, the county social services office had to evacuate their building because of the fires. This process is really a good test of patience. Kian keeps saying that the county moves slowly... Slowly is ok, but at this rate, a snail could make it from China. It is a hard position to be in. We know we will have so much to do before we can physically house 4 kids, but we can't start anything because we don't know if they will even be coming here. And my fear is that by the time we do know, they will arrive quickly. I guess we all will just have to take everything a day at a time. I had wanted them to get here before Thanksgiving, but that doesn't look likely, so now I am hoping that they will be here by Christmas. The other big concern is that with so much time to think about it, Toby gets more and more nervous. He didn't really have the same kind of family that I had, so he isn't always sure that he will know how to be a father. He also has a hard time with the idea that my family will be there. Yes, my mom lives an hour away, but if we need a babysitter last minute, she can come up, or we can take the kids down. We also have a lot of friends who will be a part of our child's life, just like we are a part of their child's life. But, as I tell him, if I had ANY doubts that he would be a great father, I wouldn't be doing this. :)

October 3, 2003- Well, at this point, there is a 99% chance that Toby and I will get these kids. However, the 2 gliches in the works are that 1) we need to sign the paper saying that we are taking these children in a fostadopt system. Basically it means that we are aware that we will be acting as foster parents until the adoption is finalized. 2) The children's social worker would like a note from Dr. Carlis stating that he doesn't believe this adoption will have a significant adverse impact on my health. We will sign the paper on Tuesday, and I will have Dr. Carlis fax over a note right away. Other than that, we should have a definite answer by Friday, October 10. This will be the LONGEST week of Toby and I's life. I can't help but think back to the times when we were waiting for the 2 weeks to go by so we could take a pregnancy test. It amazes me everyday how similar the road is to parenthood, whether by birth or adoption. We will keep you posted.

October 1, 2003- Kian called this morning. She presented us with a situation that was absolutely NOT what we had started off with, but suprisingly, we were very comfortable with. It is a sibling set of 4 children. 10 months, 2 years, 5 years, and 11 years. They are all healthy children, though obviously will have some things they need to work through. By all accounts, they are sweet, cooperative, courteous children. They all have blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. Lucky for us, this call came onthe day of the adoption group. We could really use the advice and support of these people who have become our friends. During the meeting, Kian and Kim took us in a room and showed us the pictures of the children, they are absolutely adorable.

September 26, 2003- Toby and I went to Kinship today to look through some books of waiting children. They are children who are in foster system and waiting to be adopted. We came across some children who we were really interested in. I think the more we get in to this, the more Toby and I are leaning towards a slightly older child. Maybe 6 months to 5 years. I think in a lot of ways, that will be more compatible. I think it suprised us today just how open we are to so many different situations. Now, who knows how this will go. Toby is pushing for a 17 year old. LOL :)

September 2, 2003- Oh what a weekend it has been. Toby and I have spent the last 4 days getting the house ready for today. It turns out that babyproofing the house is a LOT more complicated than it looks. A LOT more. But we currently have the safest house in America. Kian arrived promptly at 4pm. I was so nervous I almost threw up. Don't get me wrong, I adore Kian, but at that moment, she had the power to decide whether or not I could have a baby. And then during a visit that lasted just under 2 hours, Kian decided we were worthy! Yes, that's right, we passed our home study!!!! Now, all we can do is wait. A special note of thanks to Jim, and Bernie who came to meet Kian and offer us moral support, my mom who called and talked to Kian (she had a 102 fever, so she couldn't make it), Hazel, Tom and Uri who fought traffic to celebrate with us, and Dawn, Eric, John, Kevin, and Amy who wished us luck by phone and email! And also thanks to Jaylynn and Grace who came to baby proof test our house on Saturday night.

August 11, 2003- Toby and I finished our final parenting class. Next step.... September 2 at 4 pm, the final homestudy!!! Complete with new paint. Oh, the joys of preparing to adopt a baby! :)

August 6, 2003- Toby and I had a special treat this month at the adoption group. My mom joined us at the meeting. It was great to have her there.We are so lucky to have so much for support from our friends and family. Attending the meeting every month, I can see that not everyone has that level of support. We are also happy that our friends Jacquelyn and Dean got a new baby girl! They named her Gretchen Michelle. The middle name is after the birthmother. We also met 2 wonderfully nice young women named Natalie and Loren. We look forward to getting to know them better. Congratulations to Jeannette and Manilou on passing their homestudy- even without painting the house!

July 12, 2003- Well, the birthmother chose another family. Toby and I are very confident that the right situation for us will come along, and until it does, we are just enjoying our life, and preparing for our future. We now have everything we need to baby proof the house, including the infamous fireladder. That one safety feature that seems to punctuate the difference in bearing a child and adopting a child. I don't Know ANYONE else (outside of my adoption group) that has a fireladder- including my grandmother, who was married to my fire chief grandfather! The other we thing we found out was that stair gates may be safe, but they are not attractive. Toby and I are thinking about starting a company of designer friendly safety stair gates. :) The funniest thing we found about baby proofing was the stove range guard. ummm- here's a thought... How about we just don't let the baby crawl on the stove while we are cooking, or for that matter- ever. Problem solved. If this was ever a problem, they shouldn't have invented the stove guard they should have shot the parents. Don't forget- For those of you who are interested... The agency is having a fundraiser on July 16th at the SoupPlantation on Jamboree at the 405. Call me if you are interested, and I will fax you the form.

June 26, 2003- Kian called this morning. I had called her yesterday to see if she could fax me a copy of our profile because somehow, PrintMaster wrecked it when it tried to save it. She told me that Melissa had it, but when she got it back from Melissa, she would call me, and fax it over. All this to say that I wasn't surprised to see Kinship Center on the caller ID. What surprised me was when I answered the phone. Kian told me that had a birthmother, due the end of July, that they would like to share our profile with. Even though I knew that after June 16th, they were going to start actively pursuing a child for us, the actual reality that they were doing that surprised me. The important thing to remember here, is that the birthmother has a lot of great families to choose from, and there is a strong possibility that she may not choose us, so at this stage, all that is happening is they are showing our profile to birthmothers. The good thing about this is that it kind of kicked Toby and I into high gear as far as realizing how much we still have to do before our scheduled August 30th Home Evaluation. So, I will be spending my day off today cleaning out what is someday to become the nursery. We don't expect to hear anything more until about the 3rd or 4th of July. Until then, we are just enjoying the process.

June 16, 2003- Toby had his individual adoption interview, and according to him and Kian, it went very well. Actually, he seemed to have learned more about Kian than she probably did about him. Oddly, his interview was only an hour and a half..hmmm... OK, OK, so I tend to talk a lot...When Toby finished with his interview, I met him for dinner at Spoons. We will probably be spending a lot of time at Spoons since it is the only sit down restaurant right across the street from Kinship. (There is a Del Taco, but I HATE Del Taco.) After Dinner, we had our second workshop. This one was all about birthmothers and perceptions of birthmothers. And at the end, a panel of birthmothers came to talk to us about their experience. One of them was Teri, who over the last couple of months I have become friends with through the Wednesday night group. She has helped me in putting together my profile. One of the most surprising things I learned was that the average age of people who place their children for adoption is 27. Most people have this idea that they are young people, or drug addicts, or mentally ill, but the truth is, most of them are in their late 20's, functional, and are just not in a time in their life that they feel they can give their child the life they want for him or her. We turned in our profile, and Kian said that we could possibly move our homestudy up until right after the third class. But truthfully, I prefer it being August 30th. That gives us 10 weeks to get everything finished, and we still have to get a locker for medicine and clearners, magnetize all the cupboards, secure the oven and the fridge, get the baby gates (Toby's least favorite part), and clean out the baby's room. And really, they say it doesn't matter, but I would really like to paint first. If the state is going to be trapesing through my house, I want it to be nicely painted. Our next group is July 2, and our next class is July 14th.

June 2, 2003- I had my individual adotion interview today, and it went very well. It was long and very in depth. The whole interview took 2 1/2 hours! We covered everything about my life from the time I was born until that day. We talked about family relations, education, health, hobbies, traveling, and why I want a baby. It was interesting. Next up is our second class on June 16th then it is Toby's individual interview! What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall fro that one. He normally doesnt like to talk about his life! LOL

May 19, 2003- Tonight, Toby and I attended our first parenting class. And what away to start it off- the topic of the first class is infertility and the adoption process. We had to go around the room and talk about how we came to the decision to adopt a baby, and we had to talk about the loss of having a biological child. Toby and I are really ahead of the game because I don't think either of us feels a real sense of loss at the idea of having our own biological child. After we all shared our own stories, we listened to a panel of adoptive parents who had successfully adopted a baby. It was very encouraging to listen to their stories. But the best surprise of the night came when we met Dave and Kristie. Those of you who pay close attention may remember that 4 days after sending in our initial interest form, we were called about a child. Those of you don't can scroll down! There was a lot of conflict because we truly did want the baby, but the timing was a bit off. Additionally, there was the possibility that the child, who had a long genetic history of mental retardation, would be mentally slow. Ultimately, we turned the child down, solely because we were not physically able to take a child into our home at that time. Over the months, I have thought about that baby often, and wondered if he was ok, and if he was loved. Tonight, we saw Dave and Kristie again after meeting them at our initial orientation in July of 2002. Melissa had told us that there was another family that was very interested in the baby, and it turned out it was Dave and Kristie. So, tonight we got to see pictures of the little boy who in a different time might have been our son. They named him Jake, and one thing is for sure, he is definitely ok, and he is definitely loved. And incidently, though it can take up to 3 years to know for sure, he has met every milestone and appears to be in perfect health. Tonight was a good reminder that even when things are hard, and don't seem to be going on our way, God is faithful, and he has a pretty good idea what he is doing.

May 7, 2003- Toby and I attended our first open adoption support group today. It was very interesting and we learned alot. All members of the adoption triad were there. They had birthparents, adoptive parents, and the kids that were adopted. And they had them all in various stages of the process- from those who just found out they were pregnant, or just began the adoption process to those who had already placed their children or adopted them. We learned a lot about the process. We also learned "positive adoption terminology". For example: it is more positive to say, "birthparent" rather than "real" or "natural parent". And children are "placed" not "given up". But most importantly, we met a lot of great people who we look forward to sharing our journey with.

April 14, 2003- Toby and I successfully completed our first interview with Kian. It was actually somewhat fun. She warned us ahead of time that the interview could sometimes get very personal as they touch on every area of our lives- past and present. But it turned out to be very painless. She asked Toby and I a lot of questions about how we met, how we fell in love, how we decided to get married, and what our life together was like. She asked how we thought having a baby would change our lives, what our future plans regarding the child were: Like were we planning on taking any time off of work when the baby arrived, who would change diapers, and what kind of daily plans we had. Kian also talked to us about the types of babies we will most likely be offered. there is no way to know for sure, but statistically there are a lot more hispanics that come to the agency, and many babies will have some degree of drug or alcohol exposure. We also talked about what the complications could be.The interview was about 2 hours. We left feeling very excited and confident. We also really liked Kian. She is about the same age as Toby and I, so we felt really comfortable talking to her. Our next interview will be just me, and will be on June 2. Toby's will be the same week. Then our final interview is going to be on August 30.

April 9, 2003- It's official, we just got a call from our new case worker, Kian, at the Kinship Center, and Toby and I have passed our background check! We are now scheduled for the first of four interviews on Monday April 14 at 2pm. Toby and I attend the first interview together, then the second interview is just me, The third is just Toby, and the fourth is Toby and I, our famiies and closest friends, and includes our home inspection. Once the interviews are completed, and the classes are finished, there is nothing left to do but wait! Stay Tuned...

March 25, 2003- See, I told you things were going to start moving quicker! Now dont get excited. This morning Toby and I went to get our LiveScan fingerprints. It was a very long process. Because we had to be certified for both foster parenting and adoption, we each had to get 2 sets of fingerprints. Then each set had to be sent to the Department of Justice, the FBI, and CACI (Child Abuse Central Index). The results wil be mailed directly to the agency in about 2 weeks. Once that was done, I took everything over to Kinship Center. We registered for our classes which will begin on May 19th. There are 4 classes, each one is 3 hours. They will be held the third Monday of each month for 4 months. We also signed up for an open adoption support group that meets once a month. In the coming weeks, we will finish our photo books, and I will have to attend a first-aid/ CPR course. Toby is currently certified, so he doesn't have to recertify until 2004. We should also have our first appointment with the social worker within the next month. So, we will keep you posted!

March 9, 2003- OK, So the delay turned out to be a bit longer than we had expected... But we have come to an important realization in the adoption process. Toby and I both were genuinely concerned about making sure we were going to be able to adapt our work schedules to accommodate a baby, and most importantly, making sure that we would have enough money to give the baby a good life. These concerns led us to putting off the adoption longer than we had wanted. Then, in talking to MANY people (including my parents), we learned 2 interesting things... Nobody seems to feel that they have enough money for a baby, they do it on faith, and learn to reprioritize their spending. It turns out that all the camping trips when I was young weren't because my family like camping (which they did), it was because my parents wanted us to have a family vacation, and that was what they could afford. The second thing we learned was that When a man and woman decide to have a baby, and then subsequently learn the woman is pregnant, there is a momentary thought of, "what have we done? Are we really ready for this?" But because there is a baby there, the take a deep breath, gather their faith, and move forward. With adoption, there is a lot of flexibility. You get that realization that this is a life altering- and expensive- undertaking, and there is no actual baby yet. It is safe to call the social worker and postpone. Adoption requires you to take that deep breath, gather your faith, and move forward BEFORE there is an actual baby to think about, and that can be difficult sometimes. It seems it is too easy these days for Toby and I to question ourselves. I think throughout our lives we make decisions that directly effect our future. But right now, we seem to be very aware of that fact. We bought a house literally thinking that based on our salaries and savings, we could afford this house for one year. Not such a big leap maybe, until you add in the factor that we knew we could comfortably live in our townhouse for the rest of our lives (well financially comfortably- with kids and pets it would probably have gotten VERY crowded in there!). But, we bought the house, and Toby got a new job, and it all worked out. But if you think about all the what- ifs, we could have been living under a bridge somewhere. And so the time finally came for Toby and I to sit down and say, " Either we are going to adopt a baby or we are not, and if we do, we need to do it-no more postponing." And so, With no further postponement (at least by us) we are happy to announce that we have taken that breath, gathered our faith, and are moving forward. So March 15, we are mailing off the first payment for the adoption process.

October 5, 2002- Well, there has been a delay in the adoption process. Hopefully, it won't be that long of a delay. Toby and I set out to buy a house so that our child would have a nice bedroom, a place to play, a good school, and a safe backyard. Just what every good parent would do. But, in buying the house, we realized that money is going to be extremely tight for a while, and until we start getting more settled, we can not really afford a child. It was a crazy dilemma. Buy a bigger house, and not be able to afford a child, or keeping a small house, and being able to afford a child. Both Toby and I are exploring new job possibilities to bring in additional income, and be able to bring home the child we want so much.

September 13, 2002- Toby and I passed our TB tests, and picked up our medical forms from Dr. Carlis today. Toby is in perfect health, and Dr. Carlis was honest, but optimistic about my health. Now, we are mainly finished with our registration packet which was quite lengthy. All we need to finish now is the disaster plan, Toby's work verification, and our live scan fingerprints. I plan to mail everything off this week.

September 7, 2002- Yesterday I spoke with Melissa Dodson, our social worker. We had sent her a copy of our birth parent letter, and she called to give her feedback on it. She gave it her stamp of approval, so within a day or so, I will be putting it up on the net. Other than that Toby have working very hard to get our registration complete. There is a lot of work to be done, so it has consumed a lot of time. But we have had fun with it. It is pretty funny, some of the questions they ask you. One question says, "will you accept a child with a missing limb?" To which we answered yes. Then the next question asked if we were willing to accept a child who wore glasses. Toby started laughing. Because we said yes to the child missing one limb, he thought it should be obvious that we would take the child with glasses. Of course, the funniest person's reaction was our 8 year old nephew, Sean, who at the end of hearing all the things we said yes to, said, " So , Your child is going to have only one arm, glasses, be deaf, mentally retarded, have diabetes, be dyslexic with ADHD, and throw temper tantrums?" Before I could answer, he looked at me sweetly and said, "it's OK, because you just love children". I thought that was so sweet. But I did clarify and tell him that while we did say yes to all these things, we hope to not get all of them at one time. LOL

August 22, 2002- Today, I told Melissa that I think Toby just really needs more time. After all, we were prepared for 12 months, 4 days is lot different. We agreed to complete our family profile, and not make our final decision until Monday, but she agrees with our parents and Dr. Carlis, that Toby and I BOTH need to be ready for this BEFORE bringing home the child. The sad thing is that it has nothing to do with the child. We are have no concerns about raising this particular child, we just feel it may be too overwhelming to try to completely prepare in 4 weeks. Imagine you found out you were pregnant when you were entering into your 9th month. There is a lot to do. We will keep you posted.

August 19, 2002- I think my head is going to explode. In 4 weeks, we might actually be parents. Can this even be possible? I spoke with Melissa, the head of the new baby program today. They have a child due to be born Sept. 17. His mother is a mildly retarded Hispanic woman, the father is a 14 year old Caucasian boy, who is not mentally retarded. Melissa faxed me the birth mothers entire medical and school records dating back to when she was 10 months old. It was very informative. Now all we need to do is decide if we are really ready to do this this fast. The pros, of course, are that we could have a baby so quickly, the adoption would be subsidized, and the child would come with medical and a monthly stipend. The cons, for us, are only that we would spend the next 4 weeks running around like mad people trying to get our fingerprints cleared, our homestudy completed, our DMV records, a physical,arrange our work schedules, and water safety certified. Kinship is willing to let us attend classes following the placement of the child, as long as they are completed by the time the adoption is finalized. Unfortunately, it is looking like Toby may really need more than 4 weeks to prepare for this.

August 16, 2002- OK, I think Kinship Center and our definition of 12- 18 months is a bit different. Yesterday, while I was having surgery, they left Toby and I a message that they had a situation that based on our preliminary application, we might be interested in. Unfortunately, there is no way that we can find out anything more until Monday. I just have one question?? How long was I actually under anesthesia???

August 12, 2002- Well good news. I called Kinship again this morning, and Kim still wasn't there, but I talked again to Mary. She said she did not mean to give me the impression that I had been rejected, she just had not gotten my name yet. Then Kim called back. Apparently they had an internal fax problem, and had NEVER RECEIVED our application. In fact, Kim had been hoping since meeting me at Orientation that I would send in my application. And she had been thinking about us ever since. She reviewed my application with me via the phone, and told me we were definitely going to be accepted. Then I faxed her my application again, and she called to confirm that she had receive it. So now, we are officially part of the NEW BABY program. So we should expect a new baby in the next 12-18 months. Stay Tuned!

August 9, 2002- Well, I am now panicking. You generally receive your registration packet within 1 week, if you have been accepted. Since it has been 2 weeks, and I have heard nothing, I called Kinship Center. I spoke with the woman who sends out the approved registration packets, and she did not have our name! So, now I am afraid we have been rejected from the agency. The only reason I can think of is my health. My mom and Toby are telling me not to worry, there is no way the would reject us. I have to call Kim on Monday to find anything out for sure. This is like failing another pregnancy test. Stay Tuned.

July 26, 2002- Toby and I faxed off our preliminary application. We got to express our preferences on gender, age, race, physical disabilities, and behavioral disorders. We were pretty open. Though truthfully, we would love to have a boy, we are open to either a boy or a girl. We selected the 0-3 age range. As for race, we are open to anything except American Indian, and then only because the tribes retain rights. Our top choices would be Caucasian, Asian, black, Filipino, Hispanic, or any of the above mixed with white, or Asian mixed with black. Yeah, you can see we had some trouble narrowing it down here. We put that we are willing to accept any physical condition that does not require an unusual amount of physical exertion. Blindness, deafness, asthma, cleft palette, heart murmurs, diabetes, these type of things we said we would take But things like Cystic Fibrosis, or Cerebral Palsy, we feel would be to detrimental to my health, and thereby the child's health. For Behavior Disorders, we said we would accept learning disabilities, and mild psychological problems, but nothing to severe for the same reason. So, now we just wait.

July 15, 2002- Toby and I attended an adoption orientation meeting tonight, for the Kinship Center for Adoption. It was very informative. I can not believe how much there is to do in order to adopt a child. Did you know that you have to have all cleaning fluids and medications under lock and key?? There is a lot to do, but I think in the end, an adoptive parent is a lot more ready to be a parent than a natural parent. There are classes that are required, you have to be registered in water safety, first aid, CPR, you have to have an emergency floor plan. From the minute I met Kim, I felt secure with the agency. She really took the time to talk to me about what I was going through, and what might be in the best interest of me and Toby. Hearing it from someone who had been through everything I have been through, was nice. By the time we left, Toby and I had decided that this was the best solution for us, and the healthiest.